A Deeper Look

at MYself. If I were to die right now.... this very moment...would I be proud of myself? With who I am and how I acted today? No...sadly no. As we were carpooling to work this morning, I was arguing with Lam over christmas shopping. We were actually in a shouting match where he had the last words...we still had about 10 minutes to go and neither of us said a single thing for the rest of the ride. I brought the subject up about what to get his nephews. They want games for the Wii and PS and he told me to hold off on buying it a week ago when I asked him. Well, there are only 13 days left so I told him this morning he better decide quickly and if I wait on him, nothing will ever get done. And he replys, I thought you already got it for them. Then I go on to mention how he never helps me w/ any of the shopping and I don't have time to do it all by myself AND take care of both kids. Then he shouts back I had all day on Black Friday, which is complete balony but I won't recount the entire discussion.

I just realized I haven't been too nice to him lately or much of all year. I guess I expect more of his role of husband and father and I'm still bitter over the fact he's decided not to spend xmas w/ us. I get mad at him on a daily basis because he's always just sitting there on his ass watching tv and not lending me a hand.

But I am wrong. He does help out in his little ways. He did help me finish folding the laundry on Sunday. He does help me put Makenzie to bed since she likes sleeping w/ her daddy lately. He did wash the dishes once this week or once this month. So, here is my promise to be a better person for the next 12 days before Christmas.

1) To not yell at him
2) To spend time with the kids and not make a fuss about doing it on my own
3) To spend what little time I have when they are in bed with him instead of wanting to go to my scraproom.

Twelve DAYs...I can do it.